


Letters between Gods and Lovers

by Stormwing_Queen



Category: Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I suck at titles, Possibly Unrequited Love, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-16 09:09:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18091502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormwing_Queen/pseuds/Stormwing_Queen
Summary: ROTG onwards. Numair tortures himself and is generally an idiot as he navigates falling in love with Daine.Rated because Numair has a very very bad brain filled with lemonsReferences SOTL, Immortals. Tempests and Slaughter and First test. My First Fic thats more than just drabbles so please comment if you enjoy it so I know I'm getting something right





	1. Prologue

On the day of the winter solstice, Numair Salmalin woke pouring sweat. He was acutely aware of everyone in the city with any sort of gift, all connected by the power pulsing all around.

Hundreds of yards away in the stables, Daine awoke and sat up sharply, surrounded those animals that nested with her overnight. Kitten, awake and alarmed, was the only one his apprentices furry bedfellows disturbed by her sudden waking; already the dragonet was singing in a melodic rippling tone that would soon reach all in the palace itself.

“Kit, hush” Daine scolded but made no effort to enforce the request. Her eyes wide, her soft lips parted and she whispered “Numair, what is it?” Any other morning he would have questioned how she knew, how she could tell that he was there, but not now.

It’s the Barrier, the barrier between the realms. It’s…” He breathed deeply, anticipating the panic that his answer would bring “… gone. Evaporated”

She blinked and he could feel her long lashes brush his cheek _._ Her calmness as she processed the news reassured him; the look in her eyes as she processed the information, the soft part of her lips as she breathed calmly.

Then it spilled out, the thing that had been bubbling on the edge of his consciousness for months. It flowed into his thoughts, a wave that washed over everything else.

_Mithros, I love you Magelet._

In that moment, he knew only three things. Firstly, the barrier was gone. Secondly, he was in love with Daine; he wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

Thirdly, she could never know he felt that way.


	2. Neck Deep and Almost Drowning

In the weeks after Midwinter, despite what everyone believed, it wasn’t the increasing immortal attacks keeping Numair awake. Thoughts of Daine plagued his every waking moment. Each day in her company had become as much joy as ache. Her touch was the hardest, the tactile nature of their friendship now changed for him. Instead of the comfort of a friend, he felt his own unrequited yearning.

More than once she lay her head on his shoulder as they worked, pouring over books and scrolls; those moments were the hardest. When her soft curls brushed against his neck, complimenting the feel of her warm breath perfectly, he could think of nothing but the feel of her on his skin.  Each time they touched like that, he burned inside, losing concentration, and wanting nothing more than to kiss her, to bury his hands in her hair while he lost himself in those soft lips. It was his own personal torture, and yet there was no way he would take away the comfort being close to him gave her.

Numair tried to bury what he felt under self-recrimination, and ever-growing exhaustion. The fact she had been his student, and so much younger than him plagued him. No matter that when they met she had already lived more than her years, much more than he had by that age for all his education.  He thought of his own naiveté at her age and could not see beyond it. Others had deceived Numair so efficiently at that age, hiding things, involving him in things that horrified him. He did not want her to experience the same, he could not bear for her to grow to hate the choice of _him_ , as he hated the naïve choices of his youth.

Weeks went by, days got longer, and Numair found his resolve crumble, until one evening he found himself going in search of her. The soft light of the day was fading over the palace, and the crisp cool of spring had crept into the air. He would meet her and they would walk and enjoy the evening together before supper. He would be every inch the gallant admirer that had won so many other hearts at court and attempt to woo hers. Maybe he would kiss her goodnight, maybe. He had a plan, but it did not include what he found outside Daine’s room beside the stables.

He heard her lovely laughter before he rounded the corner, and smiled. He imagined what conversation she was having with Zek; the marmoset that she rescued from the Zekoi River that autumn was a mischievous fellow, obsessed with keys. He would have to get her to tell him what he had been up to that had her giggling so beautifully. What he was not expecting to see was one of the young clerks kissing her, her arms around his neck.

His found he could not breathe. It had not gone beyond his notice, the looks from the squires and riders, from men her own age. To see her respond, the idea that she had a lover, that any of them had gained her affections, he had not wanted to imagine. _You fool_ , he thought, _of course she has a swain. A much more appropriate one than a stupid old man who dreams himself worthy. You thought that you could woo her like any of the other women of the court who fall for the charms of an aged libertine. What possessed you to even think for a moment that she would return your affections?_

Wordlessly Numair left the stable, his heart in his stomach. The young lovers had not noticed him, too enrapt in each other, just as Numair had not noticed Sarge. Looking on at his old friend, the old gladiator noticed he looked a great deal more tired than he had a moment before when he went into the stables.  

Back in his rooms, Numair sunk into one of the large comfortable chairs by the hearth, and attempted to lose himself in one of the many books that littered his rooms. He must have re-read the same page at least a dozen times by the time the soft knocking on the door came, and the tousled golden head peaked inside.

“Numair, are you busy? Sarge said he thought he saw you looking for me?” she asked softly, notwanting startle him. His head turned toward her, and he smiled, waving off the question.

“I was headed for a walk, and thought I would see if you were about, but couldn’t find you” the lie came easy to him. She came fully into the room and shut the door behind her. A faint flush of colour lit her cheeks that he hoped had been caused by the cold evening air.

“Oh ok then”, she came over and plucked the book from his hands “ _Gems and Stones_ … oh are we cooking for T’kaa?” her eyes sparkled as she curled up on his lap and returned the book to him.  He chuckled as his whole body tensed, as he fought against the desire to turn her face to his and kiss her until she was breathless.

“No Magelet, just reading” he gently kissed the top of her curly head. “You want to learn about gemstones?”  With her laying against him he could _feel_ her smile.

“Of course Numair, I love learning about things with you” her hand lay over his heart, and she stroked her fingers in soft, random shapes where they lay. “Will you read to me this time though, I love it when you read to me”

_Love_

His heart lept over the word as it fell from her lips. Opening up the book again, he wrapped his free arm around her loosely. “Of course Magelet, where shall we start?”

 

* * *

 

 

He realised somewhere around the uses of indigenous rock in earth magic that she had fallen asleep on him. Placing the book down, he slipped his arm under her knees and carried her to his bed, laying her down on her side.

_Her side? When had that happened?_

Daine falling asleep in his rooms wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, that was true. After a long healing he pretty much insisted on it, as she had proven she would exhaust herself to death to help the people if they came to her needing her. Her big heart would be the death of her one day he had warned her often enough.

_Still, when had that turned into her claiming half of the bed?_

Closing the door to the bedchamber, he busied himself sorting the piles of papers while he pondered the question. None of the women of the court he had taken to bed ever laid that kind of claim.

_They never stayed around long_

His inner voice was blunt with the truth. His _many_ affairs never lasted more than a season, and that was the longest of them. He had loved before, thinking back to the wide-eyed innocent he had been in Carthak. He had known Varice as long as he had known Daine, yet it had always been his bed, her bed. Never …

He knew he needed to stop thinking about it. Being with Daine was not an option, and he needed to get the thought of her out of his head. He readied for bed, grabbing his robe to roll into a barrier to place between them while they slept, and returned to the bedchamber.

_Hags Bones._

He had not covered her with the blanket when he put her to bed, and now he regretted that decision. As she had turned in her sleep, the loose shirt she was wearing had twisted on itself, rising up exposing the smooth contours of her stomach. What parts of her breasts it still covered were now pressed taut against the fabric. Numair couldn’t move, transfixed by the motion caused by her soft exhalation of air. Her extravagant lashes lay dark against her cheek and her lips were flushed and slightly parted. Framed by her mane of curls the overall effect was both stunningly beautiful and intensely erotic.

A deep sigh escaped her lips as she rolled over, her head lolling back as she did. Numair found himself stiffening. In his minds eye, he saw that same motion caused instead by his mouth finding the hard buds of her nipples, still hidden by the shirt. His fingers exploring the soft core of her caused that same sigh. He found his gaze lingering on the place her breast curved away from her chest, and wondered what it would taste like, what she would taste like. His tongue slipped slowly over his lips, and he closed his eyes. Stealing himself, he went over to where she lay.

_You utter immoral reprobate, you depraved debauched monster_

Wrapping his arms around her, he lifted her gently from where she lay, and straightened the shirt. Still holding her, he drew back the blanket and covered her with it, tucking it around her shoulders. He kissed her forehead softly as he reached over and grabbed his pillow.

“Goodnight My Magelet” he whispered softly as he returned to the study to sleep.


	3. You always were the one to show me how

Numair could not remember for the life of him exactly what the event was that evening. Jonathan and Thayet usually ate privately in their rooms, but with court in session and the looming war any excuse to get everyone together and raise moral was leapt upon. It was tiring, both physically and emotionally. Every time there was a banquet he found himself watching Daine as she danced with the young men of court. Every time he died alittle inside.

Onua always teased that he took longer than any lady to get ready for these events, but lately he hadn’t felt the compulsion. He knew exactly why, and he didn’t want to think about it. Since the night Daine had fallen asleep in his rooms it had gotten worse. He found himself tortured by the thought of the clerk, wondering if they had moved beyond kissing, if he knew what the soft, yielding parts of her tasted like. Often at night, thoughts of her would overcome him. In his dreams, she called out his name in her release. 

Tonight he was her escort, as he usually was. Waiting for her to call on him, he languished in the glow of the fire, warming his feet. His black robe lay over the back of his chair, and he dosed, knowing that putting that on before they headed to the feast would be enough. He needed to relax and compose himself before another night of watching her with another man, but before he could, a soft knock broke his musing.

“Numair,” a soft teasing voice followed its owner into the room. “Are you ready or do you need more time to preen?”

Looking up he saw she was wearing one of the blue dresses she had worn in Carthak. He loved her in blue, the colour made her eyes sparkle in a way cut right though him. Shutting the door behind her, she shook her head mockingly, and came over to him.

“You’re not even changed yet Master Salmalin, what are we going to do with you!” she was in front of him now, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. “We need to get that shirt off you” she whispered, drawing him down to press her lips against his.

All self control left him as he crushed his lips against hers. Lifting her, his mouth explored hers as she unbuttoned his shirt. As he moved his mouth to her neck, they fell onto the bed together.

“Please Numair” her voice was honey and seduction, “Teach me”. Her hands were making light work of his breeches, while his hands worked up her long, lean legs, pulling the hem of her dress along with them. Moving his hands inside her loincloth he could feel how much she desired him. She cried out as his fingers slipped inside her.

“ Numair” she called as his lips tasted the sweet nectar of her on his hands.  As he lent in to kiss her, slowly pushing himself against her maidenhead, Daine called out for him again.

“Numair, are you finished preening yet?”

The sound bolted him back to the present, and he groaned. The uncomfortable hardness of his erection strained against the cloth of his breeches.

“With you in a moment Magelet” he called back, trying to keep his voice neutral. The dream had been so real, he could still taste her on his tongue. He reached behind him and grabbed the black robe laying there, wrapping it around himself and thanked the gods that despite his height it still skimmed his knees.


	4. I am low, from my head to my toes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An intervention from a friend brings things to a head

Numair?”

Alanna’s voice broke through his reverie, snapping him into the moment. Lost in his thoughts he had forgotten the hour, the candles flickered and the world outside his palace rooms was winding down for the night. He had been lost again, looking out of the window of his rooms. He could see Daine talking to some of the many animals of the palace in the gardens below. He had been watching her as the gentle mist of rain rested in drops on her brown curls. Her cheeks flushed gently with the cold and she looked tired. Since the war had officially broken out they both had been, but she was still as beautiful as ever.

“Sorry Alanna I was lost in thought,” he smiled warmly at the Lioness as she closed the door behind her, casting wards to the corners of the room as she did. Numair looked at her confused as she took a seat beside him.

“Did I miss another meeting?” he asked “why the wards? Did som… ” She waved off as she looked him dead in the eye – holding his attention with her amethyst stare

“Numair I need to know before Jon sends me up to the border tomorrow, what in the name of the goddess is going on with you? You look like the black god has an arm on you, and I _know_ this is not normal tiredness before you start trying to feel me that line….”

He broke the contact with her eyes “Nothing is going on Alanna. Gods know we are all exhausted. Jon has me and Harailt in every book in the realm working on the barrier, and that’s without everything else.” Forcing Daine from his thoughts, he put his attention on the increasingly angry woman in front of him. There was no way he could tell Alanna how he felt, she loved Daine like she was a younger sister. She would flay him alive for the thoughts he was having, if she managed to beat him to the task.

“I’ve heard that line before, the last mage who tried may have been shorter than you, but he told it better. I didn’t believe him either. _Tell Me”_ Her voice wavered at the last, her eyes desperate to be told her assumptions were wrong.

That shocked him, she rarely mentioned Thom. The unspoken truth of their great friendship was that, in many ways, he was to her the brother she lost. Numair could see now she was worried he was heading down the same dark path Thom had done. Hoping to calm her he raised his hand and curled his gift into an orb in his open palm. She could see plainly that the magic was untainted. He looked away as he answered her.

“I am… My gift is fine. It’s nothing, it’s just…” he shook his head and closed his palm, “its personal Alanna, but it is not affecting my work or my magic. Please accept that”

When he looked back at her, he expected to see a stare that demanded answers, but instead light danced in her eyes, her lips slightly curved. She was smirking at him.

“So you finally figured it out then”. It was a statement, not a question. “Does Daine know?” He stared at her, eyes wide with shock. How had she known his feelings? Had it been that obvious? He thought he had control of himself, put all of those thoughts into a box and locked it away. He leapt to his feet.

“What? Hags Bones Alanna what do you think of me? You’ve been listening to too many court rumours and you of all people should know better!” Numair started to pace, refusing to look at his friend, and getting increasingly defensive. “To think that I would do anything to Daine like that, what makes you think I would ever take advantage of a student, one so much younger…” Looking down at his hands he noticed they were clenched and his knuckles white. He paused, breathing deeply to try and stem his rising panic

Her hands entered his vision and took his, making him meet her gaze. He smirk was gone, replaced by gentle concern. He relaxed a little, at least she didn’t hate him in the way he did himself. _At least SHE isn’t disgusted with me,_ he thought.

“I think you would because you love her Numair” she spoke softly. He sank back into his seat, as she continued. “it’s been obvious for a while now, since Carthak. I wondered if you knew then or not. When did you wake up.”

“Midwinter” he mumbled, not moving. “So George will be having my ears then?” She snorted loudly at that

“Hardly!” she laughed, “My dear husband needs no more ears for his collection, I dread the day one of the children find them as it is.” Her voice softening she added,” and you forget laddybuck, that I was a ten year old girl pretending to be a boy when I met my roguish husband. That is the way of things sometimes. Sometimes you don’t know until later, sometimes you have to muddle through everything to truly notice the person beside you.”

“This isn’t you and George, or Jon for that matter before you head down that road”, now it was Numair’s turn fix her gaze. “I’m her teacher, I have a reputation, and I would ruin hers. Yes, I love her, but it is unfathomable that she could feel half as deeply for me as I do her. She needs a younger man, one that can be what she needs, not that she confuses herself into thinking she wants.” Looking away, he added quietly “she deserves better than me.”

The Lioness walked to the window and smiled, realising what Numair had been concentrating on as she entered. “Maybe she does, but that’s not what matters is it. She loves you Numair. She tore down the imperial palace for you”, her voice was stern now but still gentle. He opened his mouth to reply, but she waved him off. “I know I won’t convince you, you are too block headed for that. I am going to give you some advice if I may. I know you would give your life for her, you pretty much did in Carthak and look what happened. She deserves to know, should the worst happen, what you feel for her and why you did it. Take it from one who knows, she will need to hear it. It’s bad out there Numair, who knows who will see the next year.”

She touched him gently on the shoulder. “Think on it. Liam left a letter for me, he had a feeling about the coronation. George or I would gladly keep one for you, just in case.” Pulling down her wards she left, leaving him with much to think about.

Back in the autumn when he had stayed in Carthak to find Daine he had sent a simulacrum ahead of the peace delegation, correctly not trusting the Emperor’s intentions. That magical double had been executed in his stead, but it would be hubris to say it could not have easily been him. Daine had nearly torn Ozorne apart while in hyena shape mad with grief for her friend, before he had been able to pull her back.  _If I’m truly dead I can’t do that for her can I, maybe Alanna has a point._

He didn’t want to think of the other thing she had said, the real reason Daine went mad with grief when he died. He wasn’t ready to think about that yet.


	5. Love Taught me to Lie

Not two weeks later, George Cooper sat in this office, going over the latest reports from his spies. He might be the whisper man, with everything worth knowing in the realm crossing his desk, but still he hadn’t been expecting Numair Salmalin to walk in and drop a sealed letter on his desk.

“Don’t open it George,” he said as he sat down, “it’s for Daine.” George turned picked it up, and turning it over saw _Magelet_ written in Numair’s. He smiled thinking how smug his lady wife was going to be when he relayed this to her. He had been wrong when he said the mage would never let himself admit his feelings, let alone write them down. Alanna was going to be insufferable. It was not often that she knew more than he did, but she tended to gloat when it did.

“So Alanna talked to you then eh, told you about Liam’s letter,” George confirming to Numair that he knew what it was, and why. “It was a blessing that he sent it. She thought it was her fault he died until she got that, think she still does sometimes if I’m honest.” Numair nodded, not wanting to elaborate futher

“I know George. But only if I’m gone,” His voice was firm. Pinching the bridge of his nose he added softly “swear she only gets it if I die”

George sighed as he opened a drawer and popped the letter inside, out of sight “Now I wish you’d just tell the lass. Those who’ll talk will talk, but they’ll do that anyways…” he paused before going further, looking over at the man opposite him, trying to get the measure of him.

He was scared, he realised. Scared of losing his friendship with Daine if he tried for more. He wanted to shake sense into the daft fool in front of him. He might have figured out he loved her, but not that they were in love with each other. Half the people who knew them knew it, there were _wagers_ on them, and here was the greatest mage in the realm, unable to see what was in right front of him. They really are perfect together, both insecure of themselves in their own ways, she was older than her years, he so much younger at heart.

“… But if that’s what ye want, Daine won’t get the letter from me unless you’re lost to her. I swear. Yer a fool if you think this lovely chat is over my friend, but that’ll be later.” His tone turning serious he added, “You both leave in the morning I assume?”

Numair rose from his seat as he spoke. “We’re headed up north to help out, so I’m off to spend a last night in a nice warm bed...” as he spoke he looked at George and scowled. He could tell from the wide grin on the old thief’s face what he was thinking. When he raised his eyebrows suggestively, Numair found he laughed in spite of himself. 

“You and your lady deserve each other” the mage scolded as he left the room. George chuckled softly under his breath.

“So do you and yours stork man, so do you.”


	6. Killing Things Is Not So Hard, its Hurting thats the hardest part

As a surprise attack went, it was impressively effective.

Every part of him cried in anguish as he saw the unmoving shape caught in the webbing. He felt the burning feeling rise, _surge_ , inside him. Unleashing what was left of his magic on the pack of spidrens, he heard a shriek as one exploded in a spray of black blood. The remaining pair panicked, the female kicking the webbed form of Daine behind her, and rising up, preparing to attack. No magic left, he raised his staff, ready to unleash his rage. As he did, Leaf and Jelly raced from Daine’s body to join the fight. The darklings covered her spinneret and mouth, stopping her attack and slowly suffocating her. Numair pursued the remaining spidren, obliterating it, crushing the head with his staff. He channelled all his grief and heartbreak into the assault. When finally it was still, all he could do was stare forward.

He knew what lay behind him, and he could not bring himself to look. He had cut enough people from spidren traps over the last three years, he wasn’t ready to do it now, he wasn’t ready to hold Daine’s lifeless body in his arms. They had survived so much, no least everything the divine realms had thrown at them in the last few days, and all it took was a missed footing for his world to crash down around him. Too drained to weep, instead he focused his mind on the way her eyes danced when she laughed, on the tone of her voice with its Gallan lilt. Those were the things he wanted to keep in his mind, not the task he knew was next; not burying her.

“Numair,” The soft voice came from behind him. “Please… are you all right?”

He turned. Daine stood, wavering in front of him “You—you’re—alive. I thought …” He couldn’t move, he couldn’t believe it was true. She made her way over to him.

“I hurt too much to be dead.” She quipped. Dropping the staff, he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her, revelling in being able to feel her heartbeat, to be able to hold her after he thought her lost. She wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling the silkiness of his dark hair, and he trembled as her fingers brushed the back of his neck. Pulling away from the embrace to look at him, she met his eyes with hers. He could not believe he nearly lost her. Before he could talk himself out of it, he kissed her.

Lost in passion, his palms splayed across her back, crushing her into him. He felt the pounding of her heart by his as his lips collided with hers. Just as he was about to lose himself in the flood sensations, he came back to himself and pulled away, ending the kiss.

Daine could not give up the heat that raged in her “No,” she whispered and pulled him back to her. This kiss was softer, but no less passionate. He lost himself fully this time, as the kiss deepened, and their lips opened. Numair felt like he was drowning in her lips, in the sweet taste of her.

When his strength began to wane, he found shade on a large rock and cocooned her against his chest. Cradling her, he whispered sweet words to comfort her until she slept. He wished he never had to wake her, she would have questions, he knew, and he was scared to answer them. Let it all wait until we have dealt with the chess game, he thought, recalling Ganiel’s dream. Colour rose in his cheeks as he wondered would she realise what REALLY tempted him at Temptation Lake; not the blue temptress she saw but her, begging him to take her. He felt sick thinking how he would explain that without sounding like the worst kind of letch. _They’ll have me up in front of the court of the goddes_ s he lamented.

Some strength regained, and the scorching heat of the day approaching, he lifted her up and sought shelter in the cave caused by a large outcrop in the canyon wall. Laying her down gently, he noticed the many cuts and bruises covering her, and thanked the gods he carried Sarra’s magic ointment and it hadn’t been lost with her pack. Even if he hadn’t expended his gift finding her, he wasn’t a healer.

“Oh thank the gods she’s alright,” he spoke out loud, not intending to. Leaf nodded his head solemnly, and he remembered the darklings for the first time.

“Thankyou Leaf, and you also Jelly, for helping with the spidrens,” he spoke quietly to them, not wanting to wake Daine. Readying their pot, he started cooking a soup. She would need to eat after waking, so would he for that matter if he ever got past the sickening bundle of nerves in his stomach.

“If I get this started, would you two mind watching it and waking me when it is done?” Again, Leaf nodded, Jelly shaking away beside him. “Thank you very much Leaf,” Numair said as he lent against the wall of the cavern and closed his eyes, “Jelly you look after our girl, ok?” He didn’t expect an answer, he knew the little darkling would do it whether he asked or not

As he lay against the warm stone, he remembered her whispered plea when he broke their kiss. He had never dared to think that she might reciprocate his feelings. For months, he had plagued himself with the fear that she would dream herself in love with him. The idea of love could be intoxicating and she was so young – it would be easy to seduce her without meaning too, and he would never mean to. As much as he was a man of certain reputation and experience, they had all been worldly women and the seduction mutual. He fidgeted with the shielded locked that hung on his wrist. Had he taught her about focuses? He couldn’t remember, he hoped not. If she asked how he found her, he would have to tell her. Then she would think he had used it to take control of her feelings. Reasoning told him he should be honest with her, integrity told him to lie, to stop this before he ruined her. Each time integrity won, reason replayed the kiss.

 _“No,” she whispered and pulled him back to her_.

Nothing in his life had felt like that moment. Her demand overriding everything allowing him to give in to his longing for her. Allowing him to ignore the damage he would cause to her reputation. He knew how the slurs about her base birth still stung. She believed that being Sarra’s bastard made her worthless, ignoring even the basic fact that she was god-born to cling to the first “truth” the world had taught her. Some wounds cut too deep for healing, and if she fell in love with him then the court gossips would add salt to the wounds.

What of the future? Could he endure it if, no _when,_ she realised she had wasted her youth on an old man, when she woke up and wanted a young one. He laughed at himself, wishing more than anything that he was again Arram Draper, the awkward boy who had always lied himself older and dreamed of being more than he was. As Numair Salmalin, he was one of only seven to achieve his mastery of magic, and he had gained everything that Carthak had promised his power would bring. Now he wished it gone, he wished he was Arram Draper again, a young man who would be able to be the proper choice. He would be able to court her the way she deserved, marry her.

 _Marry her_ , the thought made his heart leap. To have her and never be parted, to make a home together. If he could wake each morning in her arms he would give up anything.

“Food done” Jelly squeaked, waking him from his thoughts.

“Very good,” the told then, and looked over at where Daine slept. She was awake, looking at him for answers. A flush rose in his cheeks.

_Please gods let her not ask how I found her._


	7. Right Now I Don't Dare to Breathe

The battle of Port Legann had turned, and a victory for Tortall seemed assured. The ruby-eyed mage Inar Hadensra was dead, and his adversary lay underneath a willow tree at the edge of the wasteland it had created, and wept. Numair may have convinced him to shield the rest of the battlefield from the duel he had still heard it, the cry of anguish from every animal in range. Only one thing would have caused such a wail he lamented; they had felt the wild mage die. His Magelet was dead, he had lost her.

As he rested, trying to will himself to move, he regretted that Alanna and George had been right. She had loved him just as deeply as he did her. _All that wasted time!_ He remembered her touch, the taste of the lips. He could hear her voice in his head, calling him a dolt for ever doubting her, for losing them so much time with his overthinking. At least they had spent the last few days together, knowing how each other felt. At least he had kissed her.

He heard a rider approach. It was far too soon for anyone but the enemy to be here, out this far from the main battle; they had obviously sent someone either collect Inar, or to finish him off _. I shall see you soon sweetling_ he thought as he lurched to his feet.

“Whoever you are if you’re here to kill me, you’ll need to do it while I remain prone. Have the decency to be quick about it, so I can get back to my rest” he asked the unknown rider. He still couldn’t see who it was, or what colours they rode under. Then he heard a familiar voice. It couldn’t be… could it? “Daine?”

Suddenly he saw her, as she sprinted toward him. She had to be a dream, she was wearing a dress in a battlefield for Mithros sake, but then she collided with him, forcing him back into the trunk of the willow. “That Hurt!” he exclaimed, realising in that instant that a dream could not have done that. Then they were kissing and running their hands over every inch of each other, reassuring themselves the other was alive as much as needing to caress. Determined to lose no more time with her, when they broke their kiss he held onto her hands.

“Will you Marry Me?”

She smiled up at him “Maybe someday, but only if you are very, very good” her eyes danced as she teased him, and he kissed her again, needing to tease her back in the only way he had the energy to do. Before too long Cloud warned them of incoming companions in the forms of Tkaa, Kitten and Onua, who came to help, to bring them back into the safety of Port Legann. He managed to stay awake, not breaking physical contact with Daine, until they entered the north gate and then promptly fell asleep on his feet, slumping against the indignant pony. 

He woke four days later. Daine had taken charge and removed him to quiet rooms and a soft bed as soon as the healers agreed he was just in need of sleep. As he slept, she stayed by his side, refusing to leave and instead relaying all that had happened from his bedside. No one minded, or even questioned her insistence that she stay exactly where she was. Indeed, they set up a cot in room so that she could rest. The command from the King was a kind one “Kit will wake you when he wakes my dear” he said, “You need to sleep too.”

When he awoke, she was in a cot beside the bed, Kitten curled on the floor between them, watching over both her humans. The dragonet chirped happily seeing he was awake, leapt up and nuzzled his cheek gently before trotting off. She was happy that he was awake at last, and they would only have moments until she came back having told others. Already his thoughts whirled. He pulled himself up and out of his bed, and crouched down by the other cot until his face was level with the still sleeping Daine.

He woke her gently, stealing a kiss as he did. “Magelet,” he spoke softly but with urgency, regretting that he needed to wake her. He had acted rashly before, in wonder she had survived he broke his silent pledge not to try to convince her. He knew he had a brief time to correct his blunder. He would not force this, force a relationship with him, on her. He brushed her hair from her face, speaking only once he saw her eyes open.

“We have moments before Kitten brings everyone in” he told her gently. “I love you more than anything sweetling, and I have meant every word I have said to you, but I will take your lead. We need not do or speak of anything unless you wish.” Hearing the sound of Kitten returning with whomever she had collected, he started to rise. Daine reached up and clasped his hand as she came around fully from her sleep. She focused her blue grey eyes on him, in wonder at the silliness of this man. After everything, _after proposing_ , he was worried about reaction, about her reputation. Drawing herself up, she smiled at him.

“Oh just shut up and kiss me again you dolt” she asked, to a request he willingly granted.


	8. The Magic I'm Feeding off your Fingers

The first weeks after the end of the war were a blur of meetings and reunions, days seemly blending into one, It seemed to Daine that the business of peace was just as exhausting, albeit in a different way, than the business of war. She and Numair stole moments when they could, small touches and fleeting kisses, but nothing had changed. Of course amongst their friends there was little surprise at the change in their relationship, and Daine was sure she saw a purse pass between the Onua and Buri; it seemed certain there had been a few wagers placed on a romance that neither involved party saw coming. Soon they left Port Legann and headed toward Corus and the Palace.

As they rode north, they had much more time together. Each day was spent riding side by side, Numair rambling on in his usual way about anything that interested him. He juggled apples before he gave them to the mounts and infected the entire caravan north with his happiness. After everything they had gone through together, she was glad to see he was still the same odd, boyish man she first met on the road from Galla all those years ago. The only noticeable difference was they now slept with their bedrolls close, sharing warmth and increasingly passionate kisses until sleep took them. Numair was true to his word, taking her lead as much as his desire for her burnt inside. Each night it was harder to pull back, she desired nothing more than his touch.

On the last night of the journey, they lay beside each other and watched in comfortable silence as meteors lit up the sky above them. The others in the travelling party were all asleep, only the two lovers lay awake watching the sky light up above them. Turning his face to the woman cradled in his arms, Numair kissed her neck and whispered softly in her ear.

“When I was a boy in Tyra they told me that shooting stars were love letters of the gods, sent between each other and the rare mortals that captured their hearts”, Moving his lips down her neck to her collarbone, she giggled softly.

“I’m not sure Da would appreciate you thinking of him and Ma right now.” Her fingers played with his dark hair as his kisses moved lower. She hadn’t told him about the choice Mithros gave her, she didn’t know how she would explain giving up all that and still refusing to marry him. She loved him with every part of her, but she had seen too many marriages become cages. They each had no one to answer to, no titles, so what did it matter? 

 A whimper escaped her lips as he kissed the soft swell of her breast, but he silenced her by returning his mouth to hers. Numair’s hands slipped into her bedroll and he drew her closer to him. Expertly, his fingers found the hem of her shirt and slid beneath it. Her smooth skin was soft and warm under his hands. Deepening the kiss, he slowly caressed her, exploring the soft curve of her breasts and grazing his thumbs over their hard peaks. Lost in the kiss, she moved her hips against his, feeling that his need was the same as hers.

Numair’s long slender fingers stoked her smooth skin, down her back, her hips, to the tops of her thighs before she pulled away.

“Numair, we aren’t alone” she whispered sadly. She was right of course, he scolded himself for getting carried away. Withdrawing his hands, he kissed her softly and held her against him.

“I Love you sweetling” he murmured, his lips settling on top of her curly head as she snuggled into his shoulder. “I’m sorry I went too far”. Daine raised her face to look into his dark velvet eyes.

“I do want you Numair, just not in front of the seventh riders” she lowered her voice and whispered huskily “I want to be able to call out your name.” She lay her head back down and closed her eyes. As they drifted off to sleep, he found himself imagining how beautiful a sound that would be.


	9. You Caught me Because you Want me, one day you'll let me go

The next day they arrived back in Corus, and the bustle and blur of meetings started again in earnest. Those like them, returning from battle, added onto the yearly bustle of the coming of new pages and new riders. The losses of the war had made a large impact, and everyone was over-worked. Numair was launched straight into work with Lindhall and Myles on classes for the new academic year, while Daine returned to help out at what had been her first home – the Rider barracks.

She knew that Ox, Sarge’s horse, was in need of some deeper healing than had been able to happen on the road, and she found that all the rider ponies were still skittish after months of battling immortals. Daine joined the herd, calming them and soothing their worries. Soon she was back in the thick of it, sat in the hay in the furthest stall of the stables, helping any of the people living in the palace that took it upon themselves to visit her makeshift office.

It was past supper on the third day of this when Numair realised he hadn’t seen Daine since the morning. Knowing where he would most likely find her, he wandered down to the stables. Passing by Sarge, his large friend grinned and jerked his head in the direction of the far stalls, before turning back to the recruits he was drilling “ALRIGHT LAMBKINS, QUIT DAWDLING…” he boomed at them, winking at his old friend who nodded in thanks as he headed past the poor souls being tormented in the paddock.

 _Stork man is coming this way,_ Cloud informed Daine from her place with the herd in the paddock. _I think I shall stay out here for the moment. Shall I warn you if Onua comes your way?_

 _CLOUD!_ Daine scolded the pony, _You have a wicked mind!_ She laughed to herself as her last patient, one of the palace kittens who had taken a bad tumble from Balor’s Needle, scampered off and Numair came into the stall.

“Good evening sweetling” he greeted her, reaching down to help her up from the floor where she sat. He gazed lovingly at her, his full sensitive mouth curled in a smile, and her heart skipped a beat. “I think it really is past time you stopped and ate”. Smiling back at him, unable to believe that is handsome man was hers, was in love with her, she took his offered hand. As he shifted his weight to help lift her up, she yanked hard, pulling him down into the hay with her, kissing him before he could object.

Teasing her lips over his, she felt heat radiate throughout his body. Every place they touched felt as if it was on fire. Hungrily Numair worked his lips down her neck, tasting the sweet saltiness there. Relaxing back into the hay bedding on the floor, she grasped his dark hair and gasped.

Wrapping her legs around him, she coaxed him to return to her lips. Crushing against him as they kissed, she moved her right hand from his hair and unbuttoned his shirt. Twirling her fingers in the dark hair on his chest, he felt his body begin to respond to her thirst for him. Pulling back from the kiss, he cupped her face gently.

“Daine,” he scolded,” We carry this on and Onua is going to get the bucket”. Recalling the ice cold penalty facing any recruits found canoodling in the stables she laughed softly, and kissed the hollow of his throat, causing him to groan.

“I think she’ll make an exception, just this once” Daine replied, her voice low. She sat up in the hay, close to him again, and began to trail kisses down his chest. As she teased his nipples with her tongue, Numair opened her shirt, and eased off her breastband. Lifting her chin, he lay her back down on the soft bedding, taking in the sight of her. Then in an instant, his lips were on her again, on her shoulder, her collarbone, slowly trailing lower. She arched her hips against him as he hungrily tasted her breasts. She could feel how hard he was, how much he wanted her. His mouth returned to hers in an effort to muffle the cries falling from her lips, and his hand slid into her breeches. Her nails dug into his shoulder as she felt his fingertips reach her core, finding the proof of her reciprocated lust there.

Her hands found the front of his breeches, and as she started to undo the laces, he woke from the daze caused by her kisses. He pulled away , and she looked at him, burning desire turning to confusion when she saw his expression. Instead of the fire, the passion that she expected to see reflected in his eyes, his look was guarded.

“Magelet no, I… we can’t. Not like this” he looked away from her and began to re-button his shirt. Daine didn’t move, her eyes searching to meet his but not finding them.

“Then take me to your rooms.” She asked softly, causing him to turn and look at her. “I want to… I’m sure” she fidgeted nervously with the badger claw that was always around her neck, and he noticed for the first time the small golden object sitting with it.  Seeing that he had noticed the charm she continued, a little bolder now “Ma gave it to me, for when I was ready. And I am Numair, I’m ready.”

He hugged her tightly, holding her so close to his chest that he could feel her heartbeat as if it was in his own chest. “Come on my darling, let’s get some supper”, he spoke firmly, not acknowledging her words or implication. He kissed her hair softly, holding her for a few moments until he was happy her silence meant her acceptance. He stood and waited while she slowly she fixed her clothes, before letting him help her up and out of the stables.

Daine watched him as they walked, trying to size up her lover. Watching him as he fumbled around the riders mess, finding something he could create into a meal, she tried to unpack in her mind what had just occurred. She knew better than to try to talk to him when he was like this over something, but what was it making him like this. Was it that they were in a stable, or was it her? He said he loved her, but did he desire her? She thought his need for her had been obvious, but maybe she had been mistaken. Maybe she had done something wrong, touched him in the wrong way? He looked over to her where she sat watching him and smiled, before picking up the picnic he had created and heading over to her. Her worry dissolved as he kissed her eyelids, her nose, her lips, before delicately feeding her morsels of food. It was the stable she realised, and the fear of Onua’s bucket of icewater. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.

They ate, sharing details from their days and laughing. Sated by the meal, she felt that warm feeling in her chest began to rise again. As he lead her back to her room, she could feel her need for him growing, the anticipation of what was about to happen between them. Her breathing shallowed as they reached her doors, and he bent and kissed her softly.

“Goodnight sweetling” he murmured, turning away to head to his rooms alone. Daine’s heart shattered as she watched him leave. She had offered herself to him, he could not have missed that, she thought. A thousand thoughts and feeling flowed over her – shame, rejection, heartbreak and grief pulled her apart at the seams.

He didn’t look back, or he would have seen the silent tears that fell from her eyes as her legs collapsed from under her and she sank to the floor, sobbing against the doorway to her room.


	10. I Saw Scars upon her Broken Hearted Dove

Sir Myles of Olau kissed his daughter on the cheek as he bid her farewell. The sun was barely up, but she was determind to leave immediately, and he was not about take on her infamous temper. Her fight with the King was still fresh and raw, and she wanted the comfort of her husband. It didn’t surprise Myles in the least – it had long been a habit when Jonathon upset her to run to George, even before they married, when Jon had shared her bed. She had still been raging over the fight they had that afternoon when Onua sent word for her, and Myles believed that had been the only reason she hadn’t headed back to Jonathan’s rooms to continue the fight.

“Alanna, I will keep an eye on the Mindelan girl”, Myles’ calm tone reassuring her “As will Tkaa, as will…“ his eyes flickered to her travelling companion before he continued, “all the instructors. She’s not hiding herself, we know to watch. Baird’s Nealan is a page now too, and you know how he is…. I’m more concerned about you, both of you.” He placed his hand on Alanna’s, and nodded gently to bring her attention back to the girl on the pony.

Daine was slumped over Cloud, holding onto the pony in more of a hug than a riding pose. Her skin was ashen, and her eyes were swollen and red from crying. Myles did not know what had transpired but it had upset her greatly. He was aghast that Numair was letting her leave like this, even if to do otherwise meant dealing with the King’s Champion.

Onua’s message had found Alanna in Myles’ rooms. She had sent Evin Larse, who she knew wouldn’t fuel any gossip. Alanna was pacing up and down her fathers rooms while he listened to her from his chair, trying to calm her, when the knock came.  Opening the door to Evin, Myles tried to tell him it was not a good time before he realised the lad was breathless. Bringing him into the room Alanna stopped her monologue and regarded the visitor warily.

“Onua needs you” having run to find Alanna it took him a moment to regain his voice. “She said to be quick, and don’t tell Numair… but it’s Daine”.

After his daughter had rushed off Evin had told him how Tahoi, Onua’s large dog, had dragged them from a training lesson and they had found Daine collapsed on the floor outside her rooms. All Onua had gotten out of her before he came for Alanna was that she didn’t want to see the mage. Whatever it was, when Alanna returned and announced to him she and Daine were leaving for Pirates Swoop as soon as it was light. Whatever happened had overridden her anger at Jonathan for the moment, but her face told him not to ask and not to argue.

“We will be fine” She reassured him, “I think it’s for the best, we both need to get away from this blasted place” her mouth set in a hard line, the lioness mounted her horse and readied to move out. “I’ll give your love to Thom and the twins, hopefully Aly is talking to me again now.” Turning to the grey pony and her rider her voice softened.

“Come on, let’s get her home Cloud”, the pony snorted her agreement, starting down the track without her. A quick final farewell and Alanna trotted to catch up.

As they slipped from view, Myles headed back to his rooms. Halfway back, he made a small detour to visit Numair in his workroom. Whatever had happened between he and Daine was their business, he decided, but he would let his friend know they had left early enough to make the Swoop by nightfall. Knocking gently on the door, he waited until he heard acknowledgement from inside before entering.

The mage sat at his desk, surrounded by open books. Looking toward the door he smiled, “Myles” he spoke warmly “to what do I owe the pleasure”.

“Alanna just left,” he informed Numair, taking stock of his appearance. Unlike Daine, Numair was the picture of health. Dressed casually his hair was pulled neatly back into a horsetail. Parchment everywhere he was obviously deep in study, and had been for hours. “They’re traveling light so they should make the Swoop in good time. I avoid Jon today if at all possible. If my daughter’s mood is anything to go by it was not an easy discussion with Wyldon.” He didn’t mention avoiding Onua or anyone else Daine may have confided in. Working as the official spymaster over his son-in-law tended to have the nasty complication that small talk or friendly concern, was often taken for prying.

Numair looked at the older man confused for a second, before nodding, “The Mindelan girl who wants to be a page” he said, understanding finally what discussion Alanna had with the King the day before. “Jon wants her to keep her distance I assume. That cannot have gone down well!” He laughed warmly before asking, “Who was it that went to down to the Swoop with her?”

Now it was Myles’ turn for confusion. Could he really be asking? Did he not know?

“Numair, Daine left with Alanna” He spoke gently. “Did she not speak to you?” As Myles spoke, Numair paled, his usual tan skin turning white. Myles could see the shock on his face, and noticed the black glitter of his gift flickering between his fingers as Numair tried to remain calm. Obviously she had not spoken to him, he thought, otherwise he would not trying so hard to keep control like this. The old man felt sorry for him, he should not have found out his lover had left from him. But better he find out this way than the palace gossips.

“Sorry Myles,” When Numair finally spoke he was respectful, yet urgent in his tone. ”If you will excuse me, I think I need to go see Onua,” He made his way slowly and deliberately to the door,” I’ll catch up with you later”. Bidding Myles farewell, he waited until the man was out of sight before launching into a run to the Riders barracks. He needed to know what was happening. She couldn’t have left, let alone left without telling him, could she?

Not for the first time in his life, he found himself stopped by the large wall of man that was Sarge. As he mumbled an apology and attempted to move past, he found himself held firmly in place, unable to move past. Finally he looked directly at Sarge, and didn’t like what he saw. He had known this man since he was 10 years old, longer than anyone else in Tortall. Now his friend refusing to look him in the eyes, but even still he could see disappointment in them _. Gods what have I done to turn even Musenda against me?_

“If its Onua you’re looking for, I really wouldn’t.” Sarge warned him. “If she sees you right now she’ll take a chunk out of you. So will Tahoi.” As if summoned, Tahoi appeared, and snarled at the mage. Onua was just behind the large dog, her face a picture of fury.

“This is faster than I figured you would have dragged your head out from your backside and noticed she was gone”, the K’mir woman’s voice was hard with constrained rage as she spoke  “Did she change her mind and tell you she was going, or did someone else tear your attention away from your books?” She just stared at her friend, hands on her hips almost daring him to answer, to give him an excuse to unleash the emotion she was trying very hard to hold back. He swallowed hard.

“Myles came to tell me they left ok. He thought I knew” the torment in his voice was evident as he went on,”Onua please, what happened? We … I... I walked her to her room, I didn’t…” he trailed off, her incredulity quieting him.

“You didn’t what exactly? Bed her? Oh I know that,” Her tone was mocking, “So very noble of you Master Salmalin. Why was that? The thought no longer appeal to you? I thought that was always your mission, getting them in your bed.” She was trembling with rage now, “But then Daine wasn’t like your other ladies, isn’t that what you said. Tell me, was it an experiement, trying to work out how far you could convince her before you pushed her aside? This must be a new personal best for you, so tell me, did knowing she gave up a place in the divine realms as a goddess for you give a sweet extra boost to your unending vanity!”

The words hit like a gutter punch, and he stepped back from her. Trying to comprehend what she had said he shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. Closing his eyes, he covered his face with his hands, trying to process what Onua had just said. _A goddess?_   _When did that happen, must have been after exposing Uusoae. You refused; you chose to come back to me? Oh gods Magelet, what did I do wrong. Why did you leave with Alanna?_

“Onua my lamb,” Sarge’s calm quiet voice broke the silence. “Look at him, I truly don’t think he understands why she left” When Numair looked, he saw Onua now in Sarge’s arms as he tried to calm her. She murmured something in his ear, reached into her breast pocket and passed him a letter. Her trembling rage calmed, Sarge released her from the embrace. Refusing to look at Numair, she instead scratched Tahoi behind his ears as she addressed the mage.

“Just know, she believes she’s the reason” Her voice was still cold, but calmer now. “If you let her keep believing that I swear to the Horse Lords, Black Robe or no… “She trailed off, not bothering to finish the threat before she walked back the way she came. Sarge’s expression was warmer now, and he handed Numair the letter, before resting a hand on his shoulder

“She asked Onua to give you this, to explain. Girl just didn’t want to see you before she left,” Sarge’s voice was kind, “I can see now you didn’t mean to hurt your girl, just as I know you have a kind heart. I’ll make sure Onua knows that. But your overthinkin’ is going to lose you that sweet girl, if it ain’t already. You don’t have to try to live up some grand ideal, you just need to be what she needs. She’s decided that’s you. That is all that matters” He patted Numair’s shoulder and turned to leave.

“You have to tell Onua I didn’t know. About being a Goddess, she didn’t tell me. I would never have let her…” Numair stuttered, causing Sarge to turn back to look at him. If the shock in his voice hadn’t told Sarge he spoke the truth, the utter anguish on his face did.

 “I will, don’t worry. Onua will calm down in time. If we have any word I will come find you, it would be best to avoid the barracks” Numair nodded and headed back to his rooms.  

He wasn’t sure he wanted to read the single page in his hands. Until he had read it, it wouldn’t seem real that she had left, he knew that. He sat staring at for a time before finally opening the fold and reading her words.

_Numair,_

_I’m sorry I left without telling you, but I was afraid to face you. I need time alone to think, and Pirates Swoop is as good a place as any to go for it. Tkaa is going to look after Kit for me, they’ve been having such fun with her lessons, I don’t want to interrupt her._

_I’m sorry about the stable, thinking back I should have figured it out sooner. I knew it would happen, but I guess I fell hard and forgot. It’s why I couldn’t face you, I knew you would be kind and it would make it even harder for me. When I come back we can go back to lessons, but now I think I just want to be alone for a spell to get past all of this so we can carry on like being friends. I would hate to lose that too._

_Daine_

He read and re-read the letter, taking in her words. The ink had run in places, she had been crying as she wrote it. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, and he still couldn’t work out what he had done. Surely not because he had not wanted to go further there in the stable? What did she mean she knew it would happen, what was “it”? It sounded like she was leaving him, but she said she was in love with him. Why would she do that, it didn’t make sense. He was thinking in circles, getting even more confused. He went over the evening before in his head. They has kissed in the stables, they more than kissed, but he stopped it going too far. They ate together, and she had been smiling, laughing with him. Then he kissed her goodbye, a sweet kiss.  After the last night of the journey north he was trying to be restrained after she pushed him away because they weren’t alone. Then it finally dawned on him what she thought had happened.

When he told her how he had felt about her, he confessed he worried she would look at him and see an old man one day, and want a young one. He knew she had a similar fear, one that he had obviously confirmed to her by being so blind. _Mithros, Mynoss and Shakith_ he berated himself _, I am a fool_. The woman of his dreams had invited him to her bed and he missed it, worse he looked straight through it, leaving her thinking that he rejected her. No wonder she ran, no wonder she was heartbroken. She thought he had realised he didn’t really love her and had been trying to let her down gently. He needed to fix this, but how with her now so far?


	11. Today I'm Afraid of Yesterday

Daine was beginning to think coming to the swoop wasn’t the best idea. She had been there now for two days, and she was starting to feel like a spare wheel in Alanna’s happiness. As soon as they had arrived, Alanna and George had disappeared together, and seeing them over the last two days it was obvious why. They had missed each other and wanted to be close. She could not resent that, but she couldn’t take the sting of watching it either.

She spent the days walking the walls, staring out to the ocean and taking in the big sky. The dark cloud hanging over her was going nowhere; even the twins usual hijinx couldn’t lift it for long. Young Thom occasionally would come and sit with her and ask about her animal friends – his brilliant academic mind was most curious about the duckmole. She was happy talking to him, but something in his bookishness always brought Numair to her mind.

On the western horizon she could see the tower that was his home, and when it inevitably caught her eye her mind returned to early days there. Student days, when he taught her to heal and she lived for every new piece of knowledge he could give her. Nursing Kit while he taught her dragon lore. Those days her magic was a tangled web around her, caging her. He helped her to unknot the copper strands, to pull it into herself. She needed to do that now, with the way she felt about him. She needed to sort the things that made her weak; the touch of his lips, the taste of his skin, the sound of his voice as he told her he loved her. Unravel the tangle of it all around her, put it away and lock the door.

When her mind wandered to Corus she wondered if Numair had already found a new buxom blonde? Was he thinking of her at all, or was he busy losing himself in the taste of a new lover. The longer she was away the more she missed just being near him. As sun set on another long day that left her with more questions, she sat down against the wall and cried. Four years ago they had been in this spot, fighting the raiders who came for Thayet and the children, when Kitten’s mother had appeared. Flamewing had believed Numair responsible for the spell that dragged her from the Dragonlands, for Kit dying inside her. Whist holding them against the wall, Daine had healed her, bringing Kit back to her mother. Later the dragon fought to protect Kally and Roald, dying in her attempt. She remembered to the way she had thrown herself at Numair to save him from Flamewing when she was angry, had she loved him even then? She remembered how tightly he held her when the dragon took flight moments later, even then he was calling her his Magelet. The strange boyish man who held on to Thom’s bear for strength as the bombardment went on had stolen her heart then. No, not stolen, he had been given it as surely has he had been given the bear.

Her osprey friend from the siege had found her on her first evening, and each day since she saw him and his mate in the sky as the sun slipped beneath the horizon. While they danced in the air for her, she thought back to the times she and Numair had gone flying together. The wind in their feathers, feeling the same updrafts and eddies. They could speak mind to mind when he was in hawk shape; she had felt so close to him then. Tonight it was too much, the missing him, and it was in that moment she saw it. Smoke was coming from the tower on the horizon. Could it really be? A small part of her hoped she had been wrong about how he felt, that he would write or follow. _That small part_ , she told herself, _is a silly child wishing for childish things._

 “That’s right lass, he’s home,” George had snuck up behind her. “would you not go visit him? Sort this muddle out?” His probing was gentle. Sitting down next to her, she lent her head on his shoulder, needing his strength. George, with his wicked grin and mischievous eyes was as close to a big brother as Daine had. Wrenching her glance from the horizon, she looked at her hands as she spoke.

“There’s no muddle George,” Daine’s voice was forlorn, but she needed to get it out, take the first step to healing. “I offered myself to him, do you understand. He said nothing, just sent me to my own bed alone. Twice I told him that was what I wanted, and still.” She took a deep breath and continued, as George listened silently. “I’m a baby to him, a stupid girl. He’s woken up and realised he wants a real woman. Like those courtly ladies, like _Varice._ I’ve been an idiot thinking otherwise. By not saying anything when I …  I think he was hoping to let me down gently, stupidly I didn’t work it out until I’d made a fool of myself. But, he’s lost to me.” Tears started to fall from her eyes as she finished her admission. Speaking it out loud solidified all her pain, and she twisted to bury her head in George’s chest, hiding her tears.

“Lass, I known him for a long time, and don’t believe you could be more wrong,” George hugged her warmly, “ but he’s more foolish than most so mayhap he doesn’t even realise it. Wouldn’t surprise me, my lady wife was the same for a long time you know.” Relaxing his hold on her, she looked up and found him looking at her sternly, with a purpose. 

“I’m not going to convince you, you’ll do that yourself or ye won’t. But thank you for telling me, it’s made it easier for me to break my word to the lanky fool.” Releasing her completely, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a sealed letter. She recognised Numair’s hand on the slightly dusty paper.

“What is it George?” she questioned. It obviously wasn’t recent whatever it was. The ink was dull under a light coat of dust. It looked like it had sat in ones of George’s many “safe” places for at least a few months.

“He wrote it when the war started,” he told her, “just in case he didn’t make it. Told me not to give it to you unless you’d lost him. He ain’t dead, well not _just_ yet,” he winked, making her laugh, “but I figure that fits how it is with you right now.” George kissed her cheek gently, then he rose to his feet.

“I know you won’t likely won’t listen me lass, but I think you need to talk to him before you set your mind. You know as well as I do he’s daft. I might be wrong, but if I am then it’s past time the king found a new whisper man. Trust him Daine, with what you told me, and that he means what he writes.”

With one last look the the tower to the east, he headed back inside silently.

Daine sat for a moment, thinking over what George had said, was this all a case of them not actually understanding each other? It had been a mad few weeks since Midsummer, maybe they just lost the truth of each other in that fog? Stealing herself, she broke the seal and read.

_My Beautiful Magelet,_

_If you have this then I have left you, and for that I am beyond sorry. Sorry that I am not with you, but not for any sacrifice I may have made to save you. I would gladly return to the Carthaki Dungeon, and spend an entire lifetime in the Empty Rooms, if it would give you just one more day._

_I want you to understand that you most amazing person I have ever known, and I love you with all I am. You deserve the best in life, and a much better man than I can be. If I had survived this, know I would have been content to watch you find your happiness with another, I know I am undeserving of you. The people of Snowsdale are fools, your birth doesn’t matter, no more than what happened when you joined the pack does. Do you remember what Onua and I told you when you told us about the pack? You were so very strong that day, I was in awe of you. I am constantly in awe of you. You are so much more than just Sarra’s bastard like you seem to think. You are courageous and true, and worth a thousand of them._

_Who you are is wonderous. You have made my life so much brighter by just being in it. Remember always that you deserve nothing less than all the happiness and love that this world can give. I am just sorry that I will not be able to see you shine._

_Numair_

Hours later, after the moon had risen in the sky, Alanna walked the battlements. Daine was nowhere to be seen, only a pile of clothing on the floor remained. Smiling to herself, she picked it up and headed back inside.


	12. All I needed was everything

As the sun finally dipped under the far horizon, from the windows of his workroom Numair saw the lights start to streak across the sky. More meteors, more love letters between gods and mortals. He had been attempting to write his own for hours now, but the page in front of him was still blank.

He had travelled from Corus to his home because it was closer to Pirates Swoop, but now he was here he found he didn’t know the next step. How do I start, he lamented. How do I tell her that she is wrong I don’t want anyone else; only her. She deserved more than the stables, she truly was a goddess to him. For all his learning, for all his _experience_ , he was lost.

Sarge was right, this was nothing like his first love, that had been deep friendship, but not love. _This_ was love, Without Daine it was like part of him was missing. Knowing he was thinking himself into a hole he would not soon escape from, Numair decided the only course was to go outside and watch the meteor shower. Maybe it would help provide some inspiration. _Maybe the right words will fall from one of those other letters,_ he mused.

Laying on the soft grass, gazing skyward, Numair thought back on the last time he watched these lights dart across the sky. He could still feel the ghost of her, the soft pressure of her body leaning on his, the feeling of her hair as it tickled his bare skin. Daine had been so beautiful illuminated by the stars that night; he found it near impossible to restrain himself. He had needed in that moment to touch every inch of her, and he had lost control. She had to pull him back from the edge, before he lost himself in her.

_She only did that because you were not alone_ the small voice inside reminded him. She had said she wanted to be able to call his name. He remembered how the huskiness of her voice when she said those words had been torture. He had been rock hard in that moment, needing her. She had needed him as much in the stable, he had felt that when he touched her, when she had reached for him. It pained him to think what she must have felt when he left her at her door. He had only been trying to be respectful of her limits, to not pressure her, not realising that with her there was no limit for him.

He would not write, he decided, he would set out at dawn and _show_ her, use all the unspoken language between them to let her know the truth of things, his regret at hurting her, how completely stupid he had been, how much he longed for her. The intensity of his feelings for her turned him back into the gawky boy he had been in university. He had to tell her that, tell her all of it. She had never held back on him, she had earned the same from him.

As gazed skyward, he saw the eagle fly past, into the open window of his bedroom. He could have sworn it held parchment in its talons, and his heart leapt. Had Daine sent a letter? Jumping to his feet, he raced to his bedroom, never imagining for a moment the sight that met him there.

As he reached the open doorway, he saw her silhouette, in the gloom of the unlit room.  Her slender frame with its modest curves was facing away from him. All she wore was the badger claw and the shirt that brushed her thighs, _his shirt_.  As she bent to light the candles, he could see the outline of her body through the light fabric.

“Daine, I...” his voice cracked and failed as she turned and he lost himself in her eyes. She glanced to the parchment in her hand. He recognised it, instantly forgiving the broken promise that brought her back to him.

“Do you still mean this?” her voice was pleading, “these words?” She bit her lip and he noticed for the first time how nervous she was; her feet were fidgeting as she tried not to let the feeling overwhelm her. Before that moment, he did not think it possible to love her more. He crossed the distance between them, taking her in his arms and lifting her until his eyes were level with her own.

“Every last one, and more” he breathed, before pressing his lips to hers.

The fire in his kiss was dizzying, if he had not have been holding her up she would have fallen. As she opened her mouth to his, she wrapped herself around him, her limbs encasing his tall frame. As she held herself up tight against him, Numair slipped a hand up her back, to her neck, before burying his fingers in her long smoky curls. When they finally parted for air, he moved his lips to her throat, nipping her earlobe, causing her to cry out. The feeling of having her close again was everything he had dreamed of, and he found himself lost in the taste of her. The hot sweetness of her skin on his lips was intoxicating.

“Numair” she gasped as his lips brushed the base of her throat, working their way along her collarbone. The way she spoke his name with such unbridled passion, such adoring love, was almost too much for him. He lost himself in the sensation of his lips on her soft creamy skin, running a hand down her spine to pull her hips closer to him. She felt him groan softly into her neck, and moved her other hand to his chest. Gently, _slowly_ , she worked on the buttons of this shirt, and when the last button was undone she pulled away from him, resting her forehead against his, and looked deep into his eyes. Again, she bit her lip, her face asking him the question she was too afraid to ask with words. Lost in the storm of her blue eyes, he carried her across the room to his bed and laid her gently on the soft sheets.

He looked down at her as he slipped the shirt from his shoulders, and realised he was as nervous as she was. Too many times, he realised, he had taken women to his bed without much thought to more than their mutual enjoyment. He did not deserve this beautiful woman who was giving herself to him so completely, and he prayed he would not hurt her. She really was a goddess. Watching him searchingly as he stood unmoving, her hands moved to the buttons of the shirt she wore.

“Magelet no,” She startled, fear flitting across her eyes, “Let me, I want to do that.” He continued, He lay himself down beside her, and finding her hands, he raised them to his lips, kissing her knuckles softly. As he pushed a stray curl from her cheek, she heard the barely audible whisper “we have all night, and I want to use it”.

He snaked his arm over her, caressing the dip of her waist gently with his fingertips. In the other hand he kept hold of hers, entwining their fingers and holding it close to his heart. Daine could feel it pounding in his chest and noticed he was trembling. She looked to him, trying to see why, and he kissed her softly.

“I’m nervous Magelet,” he confessed, his voice barely audible, “I’m scared it will hurt you, that you’ll regret this, that I won’t be enough for you.”

Releasing the hand he held at his heart, he held her cheek, softly stroking her lip with his thumb. They lay so close, he could feel the warmth of her breath mingling with his own. 

“I am so sorry I hurt you, you must know, I _need_ you to know, you mean more to me than anything,” he paused as she grazed her teeth over the pad of his thumb, fighting to control himself before continuing, “Onua told me what you gave up Daine, why? Why would you do that for me?”

“Because of how much joy you brought to my life, even from the first time we met. You have given me everything I could have ever imagined and more. Because of how it feels when you kiss me,” her eyes filled with tears as she spoke, “I couldn’t give all that up, not for anything” As he reached up and wiped her eyes, she decided this solemn mood had gone on too long

“Plus… I mean…. you _did_ turn Tristan into a tree to protect me, that’s a pretty big deal,” she spoke sternly, smirking at him while she did. Her teasing had the desired effect, and Numair laughed heartily and pulled onto him.

“You turn a man into a plant _ONE TIME_ and you never get to live it down!” He cried with mock outrage, laughing as he rolled over, catching her underneath him, and returning to lavishing affection on the soft skin of her shoulder. Daine whimpered appreciatively as nipped gently at the skin there.

Numair could feel her hands lost in his hair as he traced his way to where she had loosely buttoned up the shirt. I knew underneath the light shirt she wore nothing – nothing but the badger claw sitting in the hollow of her throat accompanied her when she shape changed. Raising his head just enough to be able to look at her, he met her stormy eyes as he bit at the button, opening the first in the line that was keeping him from losing himself in her nakedness.

Two more buttons, and the velvety skin of her full breasts into view. Taking one in his large palm, he kissed the other, sucking on the hard ruby bud at its peak. Daine abandoned herself to the thunder overriding her senses, moaning as her back arched against his mouth. Moving his lips to her other breast, he felt her fingers dig into his shoulder, clasping him tightly.

He moved back to her full, luscious lips, his fingers making quick work of the few buttons that remained. Sitting up, holding her against her in their continuing kiss, he slipped the shirt from her shoulders and tossed it away. Daine wrapped her legs around his hips, adjusting herself into the new embrace, and Numair groaned. The firm mound between her thighs rubbed deliciously against him, the pressure tightening in his gut. He fought with himself, fighting the urge to bury himself in her soft flesh. He couldn’t give in to that feeling, not yet.

When he finally broke their kiss, and lay her back down on plush bed, Daine grumbled at being parted from his embrace. She watched as he shifted, slinked down the bed; kissing the curve of her waist, her navel, the tops of her thighs, he found that on each stop of his journey her whimper grew louder. As he neared the small patch of dusky hair where her legs met Daine found she was lost to the fire burning within her, it was curving up into the pit of flame that was building in her belly. Once he arrived at his target Numair coaxed her to part her legs just a little, allowing him to taste how much she craved him.

As his tongue explored the soft folds Daine cried out. The fire in her belly started to ripple, to flex out across her nerve endings. She struggled to keep herself together, the little earthquakes it caused threatening to overtake her. His hand found one of hers again, entwining their fingers. It grounded her, holding her to the moment, holding her back from the edge of fire engulfing her.  She was shaking now, holding herself back, afraid to fall into its abyss.

“Sweetling, it’s ok,” his voice was low, and lured her back to the flames. “Let go… fly”

As he spoke, he watched her face he slipped one of his long slender fingers inside her. Her head rolled back, eyes closing as a sharp gasp escaped her lips. As he moved in slow, delicious rhythm with her breathing, her hips pushed against him, begging for more. Sliding a second finger alongside the first, Numair felt her quiver and clasp on his intruding digits as the dam inside her broke.

“Oh Numair…..” the sound of her calling for him was almost too much for him. As the tide of pure pleasure flowed over her, she felt his lips on hers again, holding on to her as she drifted back down to herself. She could taste her sweetness on his lips before he detangled himself from her.

He moved away to the edge of the bed, sitting up, and Daine reached out for him, dazed in her afterglow. Bending down to where she lay, he stroked her tousled hair from her face, and kissed her forehead.

“Are you alright Magelet?” he asked, knowing the answer before she nodded up at him. She wanted to tell him how incredible it felt when he touched her, but the words would not form. He seemed to know anyway. “It might hurt when I… but it will feel better. It feels like that in the end, I promise”

Taking hold of her hands, he placed then on the lacing on his breeches. Loosening the ties, she slipped her fingers inside the fabric. Numair gasped as she held him in her hands, stroking softly, using her soft hands to explore the the shape, the size of him. Reluctantly, he moved away, standing to remove the last piece of clothing between them. While he did, Daine lifted herself up to her knees and kissed his taut chest.

“Why Master Salmalin, you are a very fine figure of a man” she murmered as she followed his example, and kissed her way down to his pelvis.

“Daine… what are you… OH GODS” he nearly lost control as she wrapped her lips around him. The soft warmth of her mouth was electrifying. As she brushed along the length of his shaft with her tongue he thought it would be his undoing. Instead it was the seeing those soft lips that had haunted his dreams, wrapped around his member drove him to his limit. “Magelet please… stop… I won’t last”

He drew her up to face him, and kissed her, stealing her breath as he bore her down onto the soft pillows, holding her legs around him. Numair closed his eyes and tried to calm himself, calm the raging passion, the yearning for the beautiful woman beneath him that threatened to spill over before its time. He could feel the downy patch of hair and its silken wetness brushing against him. Placing his arms either side of her head, he lent backwards to look at her, stroking her hair where it lay next to his fingers. He searched her eyes, looking for the answer for the question needed to hear, but couldn’t ask. Smiling, she lifted her own head toward his. As she kissed his neck, he heard her whisper seductively into his ear

“I’m yours Numair, take me… please”

He sank into her slowly, fiercely crushing her lips with his own as he did. She tensed as she felt him fill her, a dull ache in her core as she stretched to accommodate him. Numair stilled when he as fully inside her, teasing her lips with his, kissing her gently as he let her adjust to the new sensation. 

“I’m going to start moving now beauty”, he whispered slowly, before starting to roll his hips against hers in long, languid motions. She fit him perfectly; he could feel every pulsating throb as the fire rose in her again. Soon she was whimpering, moving her own hips in time with his. One hand clawed at his back the other he had claimed, holding it above her head within his.

Each thrust fuelled the fire in her belly, reigniting the embers of her first orgasm. Soon, she was crying, calling out in unbridled rapture as he pushed inside her again, and again, and again. She was lost in the tempo of the movement, floating in a place where it was only the two of them, slick with sweat and desire, and the fire inside her.  It grew hotter, brighter, more furious in its consumption of her senses until finally it exploded, enveloping her, and taking Numair with her. On the edges of her vision, black shadows danced with a silver glimmer.

 

* * *

 

 

“Is it always like that?”

Numair reclined on the pillows with Daine against him. A lazy arm held her against him, her head and back against his middle. Their hands were still entwined, and she had tilted her head back to look up at him when she asked the question.

“Honestly Magelet I don’t know, it’s never been like that before” her expression betrayed that she didn’t believe him. The lazy arm moved to stroke her hair, and he kissed the top of her head softly.  “Truly my darling, you have me undone. I don’t think I truly let go before, with anyone else.”

“I was enou..” She stopped herself, taking a breath before she continued, “you mean it? I was worried that I wasn’t going to be what you liked” She whispered the last, and curled her face into his chest, suddenly bashful.

“Daine,” his idly played with her hair as he spoke, “I could have lost myself in you. I want to, I think I even may have a little bit. I know you won’t believe me, like I cannot believe that you chose me, but no one has ever made me feel what being with you does.  I love you, only you. Please don’t be reticent with me.”

Her face turned to his confused and he laughed softly, “Sorry sweetling, I mean don’t hide from me. You have never secretive or kept your thoughts from me before. I think maybe that’s where we went wrong, not talking about everything as we always have.”

Daine smiled up and him wickedly, and shifted up until she was face to face with Numair. Kissing him gently along his jaw she whispered, “what would you like to talk about my love? Shall I tell you how your touch felt deep inside me? How much I liked tasting myself on you? How when I cried out for you I could feel you burst inside me. I could see your gift surrounding us, like we were lost in fog…” Fueled by her words he grasped her tightly, passionately kissing her until she was breathless.

“Always my dearest Magelet,” he spoke in a low growl that excited her, “ as long as I get to tell you how beautiful you looked beneath me, how magnificent you looked when you cried my name. How you taste. How I’m surprised I didn’t cause something to burst into flames or explode when you took me in your mouth.” As he spoke, she moved from his embrace, and got up from the bed. He jerked himself upright, scared in that moment he had be too lewd, too wanton in his language. “Daine I didn’t mean… _don’t go!_ ”

She turned back to him, and kissed his forehead softly.

“I’m not going anywhere my love, except to blow out the candles. After all, we don’t want them to explode”

 


	13. You Carried Romance In the Palm of your Hand

 

It was the next afternoon before they surfaced, and when Daine awoke she was acutely aware of the tall man staring at her. Closing her eyes again, she snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feeling of his warm skin against hers.

“Marry Me Magelet, I couldn’t bear to be without you,” his voice was soft, but she could hear the uneasiness. _Well,_ she thought, _we didn’t exactly talk about everything last night so I suppose we have to now_. She kissed the tip of his long nose.

“I didn’t think I was going anywhere Numair, am I wrong?” Wickedly, she dipped her eyes and looked at him through her lushious eyelashes “Do you want me to go somewhere?” she teased. He laughed and pulled her close, kissing her throughtly before releasing her.

“Oh no, infact I don’t think I’m ever going to let you leave his bed, let alone this tow…” suddenly a finger was on his lips, silencing him.

“Cloud is downstairs in the stables?” it was a question, not a statement, but Numair knew if Daine could feel, could hear the pony then she was definitely there. They looked at each other, more than a little panicked at the thought someone had come to the tower and settled Cloud while they slept. Had someone heard them? The thought made Daine flush red as she pulled on a pair of Numairs’ breeches and the discarded shirt, following him to the stables.

_Finally,_ said cloud when she saw Daine _, you and stork man have come up for air. As lovely as your frolicking is I’d rather like to be let out of here now. Some of us don’t like being indoors on a day like this_

“How did you get here?” Daine spoke aloud for Numair’s benefit as she opened the stall door wide so Cloud could roam freely.

“Alanna bought her over it seems”, Numair answered behind her. Turning, she saw her packs piled in the corner. Her lover held a piece of parchment, handing it to her. “ _Dearest Daine, you left behind your clothes. I thought I had better bring them to you, on the slim chance you need them in the next week. Numair, before you even start to think you should return her to Pirates Swoop, I advise you the guards are ordered to keep you out._

“Oh gods I cannot believe she… “ Daine was glowing, her blush was so red. Pulling her into a hug Numair laughed warmly

“Do you think we were still up when she came? Do you think she heard?” Moving away to sling her packs over his shoulder, he kissed her cheek sweetly and took her hand.

“Maybe, we did stay up rather late, or early, I’m never sure which is right. I will have you know I intend to abide by her instruction. Lioness does frighten me sometimes, and I would hate to get on her bad side,” the tone was serious, but she could see the glimmer in his dark eyes as he lead her back inside. “Come on beauty, I’m taking you back to bed. If she didn’t hear us this morning she will by the time I’m done with you.”  



	14. Kiss me and Kiss me 'till I'm Dead

  
When they eventually left the tower and returned to Corus it was with great reluctance. Back in the palace, they would have to go back to a separate life, they would have to leave his bed, but they knew they couldn’t put it off any longer; the letter calling them back had come directly from the King.

This time, on the road to the capital they talked, about all the things they should have never stopped talking about.  Numair shared his thoughts from those long months after Midwinter. He told her how scared he was when he thought she had died, both times, and most importantly why he wanted to marry her, why he needed to be sure no one could keep them apart.

Daine told him why she was so scared; fearful of not meeting the standard of his “court ladies”, of losing the part of who they were to each other that was home to her. She spoke of her fear of cages that could change it all.  They agreed to always talk, to speak what worried them, and to make it work, marriage or no. He pledged he would keep trying to convince her.

As they entered the palace gates, the guard informed them he had orders that that they were to head straight to Numairs rooms, both of them. Anticipating a visit from Jon lecturing them on appropriate behaviour at court, the irony of which amused the mage greatly, they walked the corridors to the teachers’ rooms hand in hand, ready to fight their corner. Neither wanted to wake without the other beside them.

The room was dark, and empty. No one was waiting for them and everything sat as Numair had left it. Books littered almost every surface, save the bed. The big comfortable armchair was still in the corner, draped with the blanket that Daine and Kitten would huddle under together on cold nights when they would talk late into the night.  The brass name plate on the door was still engraved _Numair Salmalin._

The only change was the addition of another line of text to the small plate. This writing was smaller, as if the engraver had struggled to fit the words into the space; it read _Veralidaine Sarrasri_

A small piece of paper was wedged between it and the door. Daine plucked it from its perch, and looked over the contents. Smiling she read out loud

_This is the only thing my husband and his champion agree on right now. Don’t mess it up._

Laughing, Numair swept her up in his arms and kissed his beloved Magelet as he carried her over the threshold.


End file.
